Eppen devizaarfolyamokat akartam nezegetni a FORNAX oldalan, amikor
szemen utott a sajat tartalomjegyzekuk alatt, a linkek listajanak
fejlece: VENDEGOLDALAK. En mar lattam igazi vendegoldalt, de a fornax
raklapjanak tervezoje szerintem csak a szot ismerte.

				***

Szaporodnak a papjancsik a mokan. Egyelore meg visszatartom magam...

Udv/lms

Nehany "viccecske(?)":
 ----------------------

 Az anyuka kiszol a fianak az utcara:
  - Pistike, ne hemperegj a foldon !!!
  - De anyu, amiota atment a hugican az uthenger, 
    csak Ągy tudok vele jatszani.

	---------------- * ----------------

 St. Peter-nel egyszerre harom ember jelentkezik felvetelre. 
 Peter batyank gondolta, meghallgatja az embereket, hogy 
 ugyan hogyan halaloztak man' el.
 Az elso:
  - Megyek haza, benyitok az ajton s latom a felesegem anyaszult
    meztelen, es epp magara kap egy pongyolat. Rogton tudtam mi tortent
    itt nehany perccel ezelott. Meglatvan a nyitott erkelyajtot,
    odarohantam kinezni az erkelyen. Az alattunk levo erkelyen 
    egy anyaszult meztelen ferfit pillantottam meg. Berohantam
    a lakasba, felkaptam a h–toszekrenyt, kirohantam vele az
    erkelyre, hogy ahhoz a tet–hoz vagjam, aki elcsabĄtotta
    a felesegemet. A h–to tul nehez volt, es magaval rantott.
 A masodik:
  - Hat, meztelenul napoztam az erkelyen es epp keszultem
    bemenni, amikor azt vettem eszre, hogy egy h–toszekreny
    zuhan felem. Ezekutan elsotetedett elottem a vilag.
 A harmadik:
  - n csak nyugodtan ucsorogtem egy h–toszekrenyben ...

	---------------- * ----------------

 A bankba egy fegyveres rablo rohan be, es felkialt:
  - Kezeket fel !!! Ez egy bankrablas !!!
 Ezutan szep ovatosan korulnez, majd megszolal:
  - Tenyleg feltette mindenki a kezet ? Szemuveg nelkul
    ugyanis nem latok...

	---------------- * ----------------

 Egy vendeg duhosen rohan le a szallodaban a portashoz:
  - Portaaaaas !!! Egesz este egy doglott poloskan
    fekudtem !
  - Elnezeset kerem uram, de hogyan zavarhatta magat
    egy doglott poloska ?
  - Az nem zavart, csak a tobbi ezer amely a temetesere
    keszult.

 	---------------- * ----------------

 Egy lovasszeker megy az uton. A bakon –l a nagypapa, hatul
 meg a nagymama. Egyszercsak elszaguld mellettuk egy fejnelkuli
 motoros. Megszolal az oreg:
  - Na !
 Egy ido utan elszaguld mellettuk megegy fejnelkuli motoros.
  - Nana !
 A harmadik fejnelkuli motorosnal az oreg elordĄtja magat:
  - HĄnye asszony !!! Huzd ma' beljebb azt a kaszat !

	----------------- * ---------------

 Jojjenek gyorsan ! - rohan be egy ember a rendorkapitanysagra.
  - Az anyosom felakasztotta magat...
  - Na, es levagta a kotelrol ?
  - Hulyenek nez engem ? Hiszen meg elt !

	---------------- * ----------------

 A hullahazban megkerdezi a szemtanut a rendor:
  - Felismeri a holttestet, asszonyom ?
  - Elnezest, de ha esetleg a hangjat is hallhatnam ...

	---------------- * ----------------

 - Uram, onnek kilog a nyelve !
 - •h, mindig csak ilyenkor, akasztas utan...

			Na Csa mindenkinek!

Warrior!

  Felolemjohet, akar egyben akar darabokban!
     
                           Mykie

- Mi tortenik a novel, ha leesik a lorol?
- Beveri a fejet az ejjeli szekrenybe.


- Mi az, feldobod szendvics, leesik szalveta?
- Tetofedo uzsonnaja.

 wrote tegnapelott:

> Tudod-e, hogy mire kell vigyazni a csoportszexnel?
> ...
> Hogy ki ne maradj belole!!!
>
>
> Bocs. Itt most vicc helyett... valami komoly dolog:
> Egyetemi rendezvenyre szponzorokat keresunk!


Ezekutan ketsegem sincs afelol, hogy milyen rendezvenyrol van szo...

/lms

A kerettortenet: ma este n8 korul varom a villamost (a zuhogo eso 
elol egy kapualjba huzodva). Eccercsak  megjelenik ket fazon 
tengereszjarassal a labukban (dulongeltek). Megallnak mellettem, az 
eso elol menedeket keresve. Nyugodtan fustolok tovabb. Az egyik egzot 
elohuz egy 0.5 literes Coke-s flaskat vmi sargas lottyel. Bamulok 
kifele a kapualjbol. Pillantas vissza a csavokra. Kezuk okolbe, 
veszettul szivjak. Aztan latom, vmi vatta vagy papirzsepi van a 
kezukben. Aztan megerkezik a toluol szaga is. Szoval a poen:
-Mik a szipos utolso szavai?
-??
-Gyujtsunk ra!
mara ennyi. Peter

A guy dies and wakes up to find he's in Hell.  He's really depressed 
     as he stands in the processing line waiting to talk to an admittance 
     demon.  He thinks to himself, "I know I led a wild life, but I wasn't that
 
     bad. I never thought it would come to this."  Looking up, he sees that
     it is his turn to be processed into Hell.  With fear and a heavy 
     heart, he walks up to the demon.
      Demon:  "What's the problem?  You look depressed."
         Sinner: "Well, what do you expect?  I'm in Hell."
         Demon:  "Hell's not so bad.  We actually have a lot of fun.  Do you 
     like to drink?"
          Sinner: "Sure. I love to drink."
          Demon:  "Well then, you're going to love Mondays.  On Mondays we drin
k
     up a storm.  You can have whiskey, rum, tequila, beer, whatever you 
     want, and as much as you want.  We party all night long.  And you 
     don't have to worry about your liver, because you're already dead! 
     You'll love Mondays. Do you smoke?"
          Sinner: "Yes, actually I do."
          Demon:  "You're going to love Tuesdays.  Tuesday is smoke day.  You 
     get to smoke the finest cigars and best cigarettes available         
     anywhere.And you can smoke to your heart's content without worrying 
     about cancer, because  you're already dead.  You're going to love 
     Tuesdays.
          How about drugs? Do you do any drugs?"
          Sinner: "Well, in my younger days I experimented a little, but I neve
r
     inhaled."
          Demon:  "Well, you can experiment with anything you want on 
     Wednesdays.   That's drug day.  You can toke, snort, drop, or shoot 
     any kind of drug you'd like to experience, and you don't have to worry
     about overdoses or getting hooked, because you're already dead. You're
     going to love Wednesdays. Do you like to gamble?"
          Sinner: "Sure, I love to gamble."
          Demon:  "Well, Thursdays are for you!  We gamble all day and night -
     black jack, craps, slots, horse races, everything!  You're going to 
     love Thursdays.  Are you gay?"
          Sinner:  "No, I'm not."
          Demon:  (winces)  "Oh.  You're going to hate Fridays..."
> ===========================================================================
Egy ember meghal es a pokol kapuja elott egy kapusdemon varja. Szomoru.
A demon vigasztalni akarja, hogy nem is olyan rossz a pokol.
Demon: Szeretsz inni?
Bunos: Igen.
Demon: akkor a hetfoi napok nagyon fognak tetszeni: hetfon egesz nap iszunk,
bort, sort palinkat es nem kell a majzsugor miatt aggodnod, mert mar halott
vagy. Nagyon fogod elvezni a hetfoket. Dohanyzol?
Bunos: Igen.
Demon: akkor a keddi napok nagyon fognak tetszeni: minden kedden egesz nap
dohanyzunk, szivart, cigarettat,  es nem kell a tudorak miatt aggodnod, mert
mar halott vagy. Nagyon fogod elvezni a keddi napokat. Kabitoszerezel?
Bunos: Fiatal koromban megprobaltam, de nem szivtam le.
Demon: akkor a szerdai napok nagyon fognak tetszeni: minden szerdan egesz
nap marijuanat, heroint, speedet, kokaint, opiumot eszunk-szedunk-szivunk es
nem kell a tuladagolas miatt aggodnod, mert mar halott vagy. Nagyon fogod
elvezni a szerdai napokat. Szereted a szerencsejatekokat?
Bunos: Igen.
Demon: akkor a csutortoki napok nagyon fognak tetszeni: minden csutortokon
egesz nap megy a loverseny, huszonegy, bakkara, kartya, Nagyon fogod elvezni
a csutortoki napokat. Homokos vagy?
Bunos: Nem.
Demon. (elkomorodik). Hoppa.. Akkor a penteki napokat nem fogod kedvelni...
===========
Sulyok Tamas
Los Angeles

magyar vicctengerunket angol nyelvu hulyeseggel:

>> You all know about the Darwin Awards - It's an annual honor given
>> to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing
>> themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way
>> The 1995 winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which
>> toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of
>> it.
>> In 1996 the winner was an air force sergeant from Arizona who attached a
jet engine (JATO) unit to his El Camino and crashed into a cliff
several hundred feet
>> above the road.
>> And now, the 1997 winner:  Larry Waters of Los Angeles-one of the few
>> Darwin winners to survive his award-winning accomplishment.
>> Larry's boyhood dream was to fly.  When he graduated from high school, he
>> joined the Air Force in hopes of becoming a pilot.
>> Unfortunately, poor eyesight disqualified him.  When he was finally
>> discharged, he had to satisfy himself with watching jets fly over his
>> backyard.
>> One day, Larry, had a bright idea.  He decided to fly.  He went to the
>> local Army-Navy surplus store and purchased 45 weather balloons and
>> several tanks of helium.  The weather balloons, when fully inflated,
>> would measure more than four feet across.
>> Back home, Larry securely strapped the balloons to his sturdy lawn chair.
>>  He anchored the chair to the bumper of his jeep and inflated the
>> balloons with the helium. He climbed on for a test while it was still
>> only a few feet above the ground.
>> Satisfied it would work, Larry packed several sandwiches and a six- pack
>> of Miller Lite, loaded his pellet gun-figuring he could pop a few
>> balloons when it was time to descend-and went back to the floating lawn
>> chair.  He tied himself in along with his pellet gun and provisions.
>> Larry's plan was to lazily float up to a height of about 30 feet above
>> his back yard after severing the anchor and in a few hours come back
>> down.
>> Things didn't quite work out that way.
>> When he cut the cord anchoring the lawn chair to his jeep, he didn't
>> float lazily up to 30 or so feet. Instead  he streaked into the LA sky as
>> if shot from a cannon.
>> He didn't level of at 30 feet, nor did he level off at 100 feet.  After
>> climbing and climbing, he leveled off at 11,000 feet.  At that height he
>> couldn't risk shooting any of the balloons, lest he unbalance the load
>> and really find himself in trouble.  So he stayed there, drifting, cold
>> and frightened, for more than 14 hours.
>> Then he really got in trouble.
>> He found himself drifting into the primary approach corridor of Los
>> Angeles International Airport.
>> A United pilot first spotted Larry.  He radioed the tower and
>> described passing a guy in a lawn chair with a gun.  Radar
>> confirmed  the existence of an object floating 11,000 feet above the
>> airport.
>> LAX emergency procedures swung into full alert and a helicopter was
>> dispatched to investigate.
>> LAX is right on the ocean.  Night was falling and the offshore breeze
>> began to flow.  It carried Larry out to sea with the helicopter in hot
>> pursuit.
>> Several miles out, the helicopter caught up with Larry. Once the crew
>> determined that Larry was not dangerous, they attempted to close in for a
>> rescue but the draft from the blades would push Larry away whenever they
>> neared.
>> Finally, the helicopter ascended to a position several hundred feet above
>> Larry and lowered a rescue line. Larry snagged the line and was hauled
>> back to shore.  The difficult maneuver was flawlessly executed by the
>> helicopter crew.
>> As soon as Larry was hauled to earth, he was arrested by waiting members
>> of the LAPD for violating LAX airspace.
>> As he was led away in handcuffs, a reporter dispatched to cover the
>> daring rescue asked why he had done it.    Larry stopped, turned and
>> replied nonchalantly, "A man can't just sit around."
>>
>> Let's hear it for Larry Waters, the 1997 Darwin Award Winner.

Mi az?
-Pikkelyes,negy laba van es telefonal?
-Hallo.

-Mi van a hangyaboly alatt?
-Hangyagirl!

-Tudjatok milyen az orosz szex?
-Hat Szasa rafekszik a tukkorre es alatta lessz a Masa.

                                    Huni.

Mi a kulombseg a VIZ es az IKREK kozott ???

A VIZ az H2O mig
az IKREK  O Hat2

Udv Szucs Ferenc

Kedves Mokazok,

a Mokat a mokat szereto gyerekek is olvassak. Eppen ezert csupan
annyit javasolnek, hogy mindenki csak olyan viccet kuldjon be,
amilyet a gyerekeinek is szivesen elmond.

Talan a nemi elettel kapcsolatos >>felesleges<< durvasagoknal is karosabb
az olyan  "vicc", mint amilyen a vak gyerek - aprilis 1,  es a 8 labu
gyerek - pok volt. Mig az elso bekezdest csak toprengve irtam le, addig
ez esetben hatarozottan az a velemenyem, hogy az ilyen tipusu "mokak"
kiagyaloinak es terjesztoinek pszichologushoz kellene jarniuk.

Kerem ne vagjatok azzal vissza, hogy akkor ne olvassam, meg, hogy
PgDn, mert a Moka azert van, hogy olvassam en is, meg mas is.
Gyerekek is.

Egyebirant, nem kellene inditani egy "Erotika" ujsagot is?
Oda aztan barmi mehetne. Vannak ilyenek a Web-en, csak eddig meg nem
magyarul.

Udv, Szucsi

Vicc:

A TASSZ jelenti:
"A Kinai-Szovjet hatar kozvetlen kozeleben egy kinai harckocsi
megtamadott egy bekesen szantogato szovjet traktort.
A traktor viszonozta a tuzet, majd elrepult."

>Ket rendor bemegy egy bufebe.
>Kerunk ket hamburgert.
>Pekketek van, most nincs hamburger.
 ^^^^^^^^
>Jo, akkor kerunk ket pekketeket.
                      ^^^^^^^^^^
Jezusom! Ezt szandekosan irtad igy?

de most valahogy sokkal elkeseritobbnek latom a helyzetet.
                                        (A legkedvencebb ismerosom)
                                  [O ugy is tudja, hogy rola van szo]
                                  
A kovetkezokben hosszabb angol szoveg olvashato>>> Aki birja, rajta;
aki nem erez magaban eleg lelkierot, az nyugodt szivvel nyomja meg
a bara'... akarom mondani a PgDn gombot.

"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."
   --Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science,
     1949

 "I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."
   --Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943

 "I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and walked
 with the  best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a
 fad that won't last out the year." --The editor in charge of business
 books for Prentice Hall, 1957

 "But what ... is it good for?"
      --Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM,
 1968,  commenting on the microchip.

 "There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."
      --Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment
 Corp.,  1977

 "This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered
 as a  means of communication. The device is inherently
 of no value to us."
      --Western Union internal memo, 1876.



 "The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value.  Who
 would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?"
      --David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for
 investment in  the radio in the 1920s.

 "The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn
 better than a 'C,' the idea must be feasible."
      --A Yale University management professor in response to Fred
 Smith's paper  proposing reliable overnight delivery service.  (Smith
 went on to found  Federal Express Corp.)

 "Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?"
      --H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927.

  "I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and
 not Gary  Cooper."
      --Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in
 "Gone With The Wind."

 "A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports
 say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you
 make."
      --Response to Debbi Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields' Cookies.

 "We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out."
      --Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.

 "Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible."
      --Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.

 "If I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done the experiment.  The
 literature was full of examples that said you can't do this."
      --Spencer Silver on the work that led to the unique adhesives for
        3-M "Post-It" Notepads.

 "So we went to Atari and said, 'Hey, we've got this amazing thing,
 even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about
 funding us? Or we'll give it to you. We just want to do it.
 Pay our salary, we'll come work  for you.'  And they said, 'No.' So
 then we went to  Hewlett-Packard, and they  said, 'Hey, we don't need
 you. You haven't got through college yet.'"
      --Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get
        Atari and H-P interested in his and Steve Wozniak's personal
        computer.

 "Professor Goddard does not know the relation between action and
 reaction and the need to have something better than a vacuum against
 which to react.  He seems to lack the basic knowledge ladled out daily
 in high schools."
      --1921 New York Times editorial about Robert Goddard's
 revolutionary rocket  work.

 "You want to have consistent and uniform muscle development across all
 of your muscles? It can't be done. It's just a fact of life. You just
 have to  accept inconsistent muscle development as an unalterable
 condition of weight training."
      --Response to Arthur Jones, who solved the "unsolvable" problem
 by  inventing Nautilus.

 "Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil?
 You're  crazy."
      --Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to
 drill for  oil in 1859.

 "Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau."
   --Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929.


 "Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value."
      --Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole
 Superieure de  Guerre.

 "Everything that can be invented has been invented."
    --Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899.

 "Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction".
    --Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872

 "The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the
 intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon".  --Sir John Eric Ericksen,
 British surgeon, appointed Surgeon- Extraordinary  to Queen Victoria
 1873.

 "640K ought to be enough for anybody."
      -- Bill Gates, 1981
--->>

> -----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
        Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol...
> -----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
Teccet?
ESZTER

Moricka megkerdezi az anyjatol:
- Anyu, kimehetek jatszani?
- Ki.
- Hogyhogy ki? Hat en!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -(cut here)

Moricka kerdezi az anyjat:
- Anyu, kimehetek cseresznyet szedni?
- De moric kedves, hiszen tel van...
- Tudom, tudom. Sapka.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Tisztelettel,
lagerlas

Hali MOKAzok !

-Mi az? Kicsi fekete es nem birja el a kaszat.
-Halal fia.


A kovetkezo a Mennyi?30 adasaban hangzott el (HBO).

A bolond es az okos beszelgetnek. Aszongya az okos:
-Jatszunk kerdezosdit! En kerdezek es ha te nem tudsz valaszolni,
akkor adsz egy szazast. Aztan te kerdezel, es ha nem tudok
valaszolni, adok egy ezrest.
-Jjo.
-Mi az? Negy laba van es eszunk rajta?
-Nemtom tessek ittegy szazas.
-Mi az? Negy laba van es ulunk rajta?
-Nemtom tessek ittegy szazas.
-Mi az? Dobozban van, fenyt a'raszt, es mindenki nezi?
-Nemtom tessek ittegy szazas.
-Most kerdezz te valamit!
-Ha feedobod piros es ha leesik 1842?
-Nem tudom, tessek itt egy 1000-es. De mi az?
-Nemtom tessek ittegy szazas.

Tudom, nem tokeletes, dehat nekunk nincs ejcsbionk, igyhat en is
mastol hallottam. De poen igy is jo.

Udv:
Nobody/Nby (Eszik Attila, Pecs)         Amiga Rulez !!!

Ket rendor beszelget:
- Te, mar egy jo ideje sehogy sem tudom ravenni a 
felesegemet a szeretkezesre.
- Legy finom hozza, celozgass kedvesen, meg 
ilyesmik, annak be fog dolni.
- Jo, jo. De mit mondjak? 
- Peldaul kerdezd meg, hogy kimosta-e a kadat, 
mire o majd megkerdezi, hogy mifele kadat, es erre 
azt valaszolod, hogy a pinukadat.
     Hazamegy a rendor, es megkerdezi a feleseget:
- Asszony! Kimostad a talat?
- Mifele talat?
- Hat a picsadat te a'llat!!

Szemermets uedvoezlettel,
lagerlas

Sziasztok!
    
  A minap magyartanarom mondta a kovetkezo viccet:
  
    A rendor bevetesen van, all egy ajto elott, majd bekiabal:
     -Ki van bennt?
     -Jean Claude van Damme.
     -No, akkor jojjon ki feltartott kezzel mind a negy!
     
    Ennyi mara: Illes.

Udv mindenkinek!  

A pap és a futballrajongo egymas mellett foglaltak helyet a meccsen.
Nyilasi vezeti a labdat, helyzetbe hozza magat, majd lo egy boduletes
kapufat.
A rajongo idegesen ordit:
	- Hogy az a .... isten ..ssza meg, nem melle ment.
	- Fiam, nem illo istent karomolni, mert lesulyt rad
Ot perc mulva ismet Nyilasi kerul helyzetbe, am fole rugja..
	- Hogy az isten ...ssza meg, nem fole ment..
	- Fiam, ne karomold istent, mert orokos szenvedést ro ki rad...
Tiz perc mulva ujra helyzet, melle.
	- Hogy az a ....
Lesulyt egy villam és hamuva egeti a papot. Erre megszolal fontrol egy
oblos hang:
	- Hogy az isten ...ssza meg, nem melle ment...

**************************

Uj pap erkezik a varosba. Meg is kezdi rendben a gyontatast. 
Elsonek egy ifju holgy lep be a fulkébe.
	- Mit vetkeztel lanyom?
	- Kurvalkodtam atyam..
Az atya keresgel konyvecskejeben, majd kiroja a buntetest:
	- Husz miatyank..
A masodik egy idosodo ferfi.
	- Mit vetkeztel fiam?
	- Megcsaltam a felesegem..
Az atya keresgel, majd szól:
	- Ez bizony 40 miatyank és 20 udvuzlegy Maria...
Harmadikkent ismet egy holgy kerul sorra.
	- Mit vetkeztel lanyom?
	- Leszoptam egy ferfit..
Az atya keresgel, de seholsem talalja a szopas cimszot. Kiszol a
ministransfiunak:
	- Te az elozo papnal mi jart egy szopasert?
	- Adjon nyugodtan egy otvenest...

****************

Az M7 leallosavjaban nyitott motorhaztetovel all egy Trabant. A
  vezeto nyakig olajosan szereli a motort, és keservesen karomkodik.
  Arra megy egy pap, és raszol:
  - Ne káromkodjal, fiam, inkább imadkozzal!
  A vezetô hallgat ra, imadkozni kezd, s csodák csodaja: a motor
  beindul.
  Mire a pap:
  - A szentsegit...!

*****************


- Melyik rendor tud messzebb pisilni?
- Amelyik lehuzza a sliccet!